Gardener's Question Time

Cast:  Presenter, Expert, Guest, 3 voices.

(Theme Music.  Scene: 2 tables.  Large one with cloth reaching to floor at front.  Tray with covered examples placed under this table.)

P	Good morning.  In today's show we'll be answering you questions all about corn.  That's right, and we have quite a cornucopia of corny quibbles with which to quiz our special quest, I mean guest, Geoff Camelton. 
G	Hello.
P	And of course, our resident expert, Steven Buswacky.
S	Hello.
P	So without further ado, let's see who's on line one.  Hello?
V1	Hello, right.  I have this yard behind my house which was going unused so I thought I'd make a bit of extra money by growing something on it.  I bought some corn seed from a very reputable dealer who assured me that corn would give the largest  return on my investment. 
P	Er, right, so what's the problem?
V1	I was conned!  The corn didn't grow at all.  It didn't even germinate.  I left it for a week just in case but by that time the only thing that had happened was that it had all been eaten by birds.
P	I see.
V1	I am not in the business of providing free catering service for birds and I feel thoroughly cheated out of my investment.  Ripped off even!
P	OK Geoff, can you spread some light on the subject.
G	Well it may not have been a problem with the corn itself.
S	The most common problems are caused by incorrect planting procedure.
V1	I scattered it evenly on the ground, just as it said on the packet.
G	Did you dig the soil over beforehand?
V1	(pause)  Soil?  It never said anything about soil.  I just spread them straight onto the patio.
S	Well there is your problem sir.  A common mistake and easily made but extensive tests have proved that corn does not grow on concrete.
V1	Really?  Well I er....
S	I have an example here (brings out paving slab with seed on it). This is one I prepared last week.   As you can see, no growth at all.  You might as well have put the seed on a bird table.
V1	I don't understand.  What's wrong with concrete?
G	It's a bit complicated so let me give you another example.  Corn sowed on concrete is just like a man who hears God's word but rejects it.  Nothing good will come from him and he is unable to resist the temptations of evil.  In the same way, nothing will grow from your corn seed and it is easy food for birds.
V1	I see.  So what should I have done?
P	To try and answer that, let's go to our second caller, who tried a different approach.  Hello, where are you calling from?

V2	I live with my large family on the side of a rocky mountain.  We were running out of food so I planted some corn, in the soil, so that we could have fresh corn on the cob for tea.
P	And what happened?
V2	Well, It sprouted quickly and looked as if it was going to be wonderful.....and  then,  in just a day, it wilted from a healthy, green plant to being brown, shrivelled and completely dead.  What did I do wrong?
S	It sounds like your seedlings suffered from an inadequate root system, probably caused by insufficient growth medium.
V2	(All turn and look at him)  Pardon?
S	Not enough soil.  A very common situation in rocky areas.  If you look at this specimen (brings out rock with shrivelled plant perched on a bit of soil) which underwent a similar premature demise as your own plant, and examine the root structure, you can see, well you can't see it because it isn't there.  Without a reasonable depth of soil this plant has been unable to develop proper roots.
V2	What's so important about roots.
G	I think another analogy is called for.  Suppose another man hears God's work and accepts it, but when trouble comes he forgets what God has said.  No real good will come out of this man either, because the roots of this faith were not strong enough.  It is the same with corn.  They will dry out in the heat of the sun if they do not have good roots.
P	An enlightening insight there Geoff.  I think we may be getting nearer the answer.  Maybe caller number 3 has had better luck.  Hello..
V3	I planted my corn in a big field of nice deep rich soil.  The seedlings sprouted alright, but there seemed to be more plants appearing than I had planted seeds.  I thought nothing of it at first, but when the plants had grown quite large, I realised that many of them were weeds and that they were taking all the goodness in the soil away from my corn.
P	At least you managed to produce full sized corn plants.
V3	Maybe, but when I went to harvest them, there was hardly an ear of corn to be found on them.
S	Weeds are, of course, the ever-Present enemy of every gardener.  In a field such as you were describing, the most common invaders would be Holcus mollis, Phalaris arundinacea, Scirpus lacustris, Stipa gigantea and Bouteloua gracilis.
P	And what would they be commonly called?
S	Grasses.
V3	The things that strangled my poor corn were more sort of, nasty prickly things.
S	In that case you may have fallen victim of the genus Crataegus, that is, a thorn bush, or possibly a Rubus cockburnianus or Rubus odoratus.
V3	You're making this up!
S	I assure you I am not.  This is an example of the aforementioned genus Rubus. (produces a piece of bramble.)  Do you recognise it?
V3	Ah yes, that's the one.  But why should those things make my corn so fruitless?
G	I think I can answer this without the need for too much Latin if you will forgive me one more analogy.  This time, our man hears and accepts God's word, but he is then smothered by life's worries, riches and pleasures.  These things stop us maturing in faith, and in the same way, weeds stop corn producing a full crop.
P	OK, let's see what we've got.  When planting corn, soil is a must have, and the more the better.  Rocks are out and weeds are a definite no-no.  Follow these rules and what do we get, Geoff?

G	We get corn, and lots of it.  Sometimes as much as a hundred times as much as was sown.  Just as a man who understands God's word and holds fast to it produces so much real good, so corn sowed in good ground and protected from weeds produces good food for many people.
P	Thank you Geoff and thank you Steve.  That's all we have time for today.  Next week we'll be probing the perplexing problems of planting potted perennials.  Good bye.

(Theme Music     All exit.)

- END -

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