The Nativity - A Sheep's Eye View

(Sub enters.)

Sub	The scene is a grassy hill, just outside Bethlehem.

(Two sheep enter.  They baa to each other for a while)

Sub	For those of you who cannot understand sheep talk, we have prepared some subtitles for this scene.  (Sub gets out cards.)  OK sheep, start again please.

S1	Baa
Card	Hello
S2	Baa
Card	Hello
S1	Baaa Ba Baaa.
Card	That is my patch of grass you are standing on.
S2	Baa
Card	Bah
S1	Baaaa Baa
S2	Baa Baaaa Ba Baaa
Card	I like your new woolstyle.
Sub	Hang on, you're going to fast for the subtitles.
Card	Yes, I have got a great new barber.
Both	Baa
Card	Sorry.
S1	Baa Baa Baaaaa
Card	How long do you think it will be before the subtitles guy realises that we can speak English?  (Sheep laugh.  Sub looks at card)
Sub	What?  You've been having me on all this time!  (He storms off)
S1	At last, he's gone.  Now we can have a serious conversation.  (Pause)
S2	The grass is very bad at the moment isn't it.
S1	Yeah disgusting.  It's like eating mud.
S2	That's probably because all the rain we've had has turned the ground really muddy.
S1	I'd give anything for a nice dry bale of straw.
S2	Hey, I know where we could get some.  My cousin lives in a nice stable in the middle of town.  She has fresh straw every morning.
S1	But I bet she has to share it with a load of cows and donkeys and chickens.  The smell must be terrible.
S2	You're right there.  And that's not all.  My cousin said that last night, they even had to share the stable with a pair of humans.
S1	Humans?  What were they doing there?
S2	From what I heard, they were having a baby.
S1	Really?  What, right in front of all the animals.
S2	Yeah.  And according to my cousin, the worst of it was the mother put the new born baby in the animals own manger, so they couldn't even get at the straw.
S1	What a cheek.  
S2	What are these humans coming to etc.
S1	(Pause)  You know, I can't help feeling I heard this before somewhere.

S2	Heard what?
S1	All this about a baby being born and laid in a manger.
S2	Now that you mention it, I think I've heard it before too.  Oh yes, don't you remember, last night.  Bright lights, voices from the sky, loud singing, shepherds rushed off into town.
S1	That's right.  They were going on about how an angel had told them all about a very special baby that had just been born in rather strange circumstances, and how this was very good news for everyone.
S2	The angels certainly seemed very joyful about it.
S1	I tell you what.  Why don't we go down to my cousin's stable and see what's going on.  Maybe we could get some nice dry straw while we're there.
S2	Sounds good to me.  Let's go.

(They exit)

Sub	A few hours later, the two sheep arrive at the stable in Bethlehem.

(Enter sheep and cousin)

S2	Hello there cousin              .  What's going on?
Cous	Hello.  Well they're still here.
S1	The two, sorry three, humans?
Cous	Yes.  Mary and Joseph their names are, and they've called the baby Jesus.
S2	But what are they doing here?  If this baby is as special as the angels said it is, why don't they put him in a nice inn or something?
Cous	They tried, but the town is full of people, don't ask me why, and there wasn't any room for them.
S1	Is it me or is it rather light around here?  I'm sure it's too early for dawn.
Cous	Oh yes, that'll be the new star.  Look, straight above us.
S2	Wow, it's very bright.
Cous	Yeah, and the weird thing is, it turned up at exactly the same time as the baby was born.
S1	What a coincidence.
Cous	I don't think it was.  At the same as the star arrived, so did three strange looking blokes on camels.  I talked to the lead camel who said that they had been travelling for days, following that star, because they knew it was leading them to a very important person.
S2	So it is a special baby.
Cous	I'll say.  You should have seen the gifts they brought.  Gold, frankincense and myrrh.
S1	Frankinwhat?
Cous	Very posh smelly stuff.  
S2	Gifts fit for a king eh.
S1	I wonder what brought him here?
S2	I wonder whether there's any straw left?

	The End

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